YOUR RADIANT, RICH AND REVERENT LIFE
"I'm taking a poll. Do you think one's sexual past should be a factor in one's current relationship?"
My friend asked this question to multiple friends and colleagues. I was in shock when I read the comments! I'm in such awe at how many people said no, hell no or don't tell! There were also a lot of comments that read you should tell them only if you have had or have health issues or STD's. Leave the past in the past. I find the title interesting also that it has the word "should". The definition of
1.used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone's actions.
"he should have been careful"
2. used to indicate what is probable. "$600 million should be enough to buy him out"
Where did these sneaky little words creep into our choice of language to get perspective on a myriad of values? Deep down what is the question you are seeking an answer to?
Without judgment of other people's views and as a witness to the answers I read, I was so very aware of how programmed our culture is to deny our own truth by what we think we "should do" rather than be who we really are. Our ultimate judge is ourselves anyway. Where does the shame of being real from our past to our present which ultimately creates our future come from? Where ever it came from doesn't matter as much as what you value now. If you value the truth and desire to be told the truth, be it without shame or guilt and don't shame, guilt or judge others for their journey. I believe we all just really want the same things. To be loved, heard and be revered as a valuable to others we love. We are all come from different places and have different paths to the same destination. One Love.
So many people are invested in hiding who who they really are. Be your truth or settle for a life of oppression. It's as simiple as that, the LAW of universal wisdom. This question inspired me to churn up a burning desire that wanted to be revealed. In my experiences with relationships I've had, when I hide, I disconnect from myself and others. I have to often take a personal inventory of why I'm behaving in a way that would fear their judgment towards me. How am I judging me? I have to answer these self imposed questions as well as ask that same question if I feel I am judging someone else for where they are in the circle of life. Who are we to decide what is right or wrong someone else? I am only responsible for myself and what I choose. Other people's opinions of me is none of my business. I am always learning and interested on how to be the best version of myself I can be. I choose truth
What this question evokes in me are dropping the "should's" in my life, knowing what are my values are and what I am grateful for. Every relationship of the past has lead you to be with the person you are with. Without those experiences, you wouldn't be in each others lives. Honor each others past because it has made them who they are and you who you are. Special, beautiful, and the reason you adore them as a mirror of your reflection.
You give what you get. If you give half truths and hide, you will have that kind of a relationship. If that's good enough for you and you like to have surface relationships, you will attract it. All is perfectly designed. Avoid drama by rehashing the past to judge them or allow them to degrade your experiences. Love yourself enough to be honest with you and with everyone. If not, why the hell are you in the relationship? Focus more energy on creating a magical future together by being you and trusting that their journey is perfect too. I believe in complete transparency. Having nothing to hide, share it all from the beginning. If the other person asks you any questions or if you feel like it's something you are still holding fear about them leaving you by telling them all of your truth, spill the beans. When is the right time to tell them?
It's never too late to have a new beginning! The longer you wait to tell truths, the longer you lie to yourself that you are being authentically truthfully you. If the other person is going to leave you because of their own judgments about you, let them. They don't want the truth even though they said they did. If the other person has a problem with it, it's their issue...not yours. If you want true love, you have to be willing to be vulnerable with being your truth knowing they might leave you. It can be scary though not as scary as being with someone who doesn't accept you for who you really are. If you don't be you now, then when? Naked in the garden of Eden where you share purity and the beauty of innocence is such a graceful and enjoyable way to live. Now is the only time there is. My husband and I started our relationship off by sharing everything we both were afraid to share, we were both open to having the other answer any questions. This is how I knew I found my soulmate.
If your partner is judgmental, move on...your soul mate is still looking for you too! Why settle for something if you have to lie about who you are? LAME and shallow and hey, I've been there! I have known someone is hiding something from me and not trusting my instinct. I lied to myself saying that it didn't matter and I was just imagining things even though the actions of the person were not in alignment with what he was saying. I too have hid things from others in fear of them judging me to finally fess up and see they didn't really want to be with me anyway. We are all just learning. I'm grateful for all of it though I wouldn't say that was always the case. I had to do my own work to have the relationship I desired and be the woman I am proud of being. If you are hiding something, that is probably the reason the person isn't trusting you. Let the sensual pleasure of the naked truth consume you by replacing shame with reverence and respect to your journey and theirs. Honor your heart and stand in your truth without apology.
One of the most profound lessons I've learned and what I hold space for with others is to experience the opportunity to be judgment free. How I've done this is through deep personal work and transformation of my own judgments that kept me stuck and isolated for years. The realization the I had an opinion about everything prevented me to get to know people for who they really are. It also prevented myself in having any depth or intimacy in relationships with myself and others.
This is much due to the self judgment I had been programmed to participate from learned behavior. Yet, as an adult I am the one responsible for choosing this way of being or not. First, I became aware of the fact that I wasn't feeling good about being around people and felt guilty just by having feelings. Then I would make myself wrong for feeling what I felt and not knowing how to manage this. Often concerned about what others were thinking of me under the guise that I didn't care was an outright lie I unconsciously told myself. I would hold back my feelings and step down from my truth in fear of judgment of others.
The level of energy it takes to seek approval is overwhelming and just pure exhaustion. I felt like I was blindly walking while fighting a fight I didn't know I was fighting. Truly, I desired change to feel better and be able to see with love and clarity. Frustrated about not getting the results I wanted in life by experiencing so much blindness by being shut down felt like I was above myself looking at myself saying "TAKE OFF THE BLINDFOLD!"
Once I was willing to set down the heavy burden of carrying a scale of judgment knowing it wasn't my job in life, I woke up from the nightmare of judgment. Then I took off the blindfold, laid down my arms and now see with discernment. I had to be willing to take a deep look at self resentment and where ever I made myself wrong, I had to learn how to be gentle and kind with myself for the journey called learning. Deep down, I had to forgive myself and others. I even had to admit, I couldn't do it alone anymore. I was lost!
After making a list of all the things I didn't feel good about including being alone, it created space for me to have freedom, joy and love. This is a regular practice I cultivate to shed the layers of illusions that can keep me blind if I don't actively participate in letting them go. I did this with assistance and guidance and highly recommend coaches and gatherings that support self love. I also learned to tune into the assistance of angels and ancestors supporting me. Now I experience legions of angels guiding me saying "I see, you, I love you, you are not alone". Part of my healing journey was to create LUXME COLLECTIVE, a gathering of self loving women committed to spiritual and material wealth and prosperity through a soul centered knowing. Creating LUXME COLLECTIVE lead me to get out of my own way and nurture others as I would want to be nourished. It's about a we journey now rather than a me journey.
After the rain comes rainbows. Cultivating what I do want is easier after I practice forgiveness because there's a clean canvas to paint the miracles. There are many people who were just like me with negative self talk and negative judgment towards others. Now, I feel honored to be able to assist others in creating love, connection and abundance in their lives by offering the tools I share from my personal transformation.I have been able to witness miracles of women transform their own self judgment into self love inspiring so many to self care with support.
If you feel like you'd like support, join our next LUXME COLLECTIVE gathering or contact me.
Is a luminary who leads women's circles and is a one on one coach that creates opportunities for powerful and positive transformations. She is a heart centered lifestyle expert who teaches people how to access sacred realms and develop a relationship with their inner master. Wheather it's about up leveling self confidence, having someone just "see you" for who you REALLY are, shifting blocks to triumphs or feeling safe to express, Jamie gives a high level of support on your journey. Today, she helps clients all around the world by empowering individuals and groups to live their brightest life.